I think I've mentioned how on Fridays I keep checking my phone, dashboard, and calendars to verify that it really is Friday, because it seems too good to be true. The odds against it are 6:1. Or would it be 7:1? Trying to figure that out would be like math.
But today is a Monday, and this evening I thought, "Is it really still Monday? Can it be?" Not that it's too good to be true but that it seems like it's been Monday for a long time. Too long. It's taking up more than its share of the week.
I'm feeling anxious (een beetje bang, as my great-grandfather would say) and a little down. Am I regressing back into my Slough of Despond? Am I far from the peaceful shore? Sinking to rise no more? I hope not.
My sister has a certain level of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I probably do too. We are past the fall equinox, so our diurnal cycles contain more darkness than light. I'm surprised I'm feeling this (if that's what it is) because I hated this summer. It was hot and dry all the time. Yards and plants were dying of thirst, and it was unpleasant to be outdoors. Bleah. So I welcomed the coming of fall. Which was late in coming this year, by the way. Summer kept dragging on, outstaying its welcome by weeks. But now the increasing darkness is probably getting me down.
Also, as my sister also has observed, it's a sad time of remembrance for our family because my oldest brother died on November 4. I am not always conscious that this anniversary is looming, but they say your body remembers, even if you don't.
Tomorrow will be my first All Saints Day as a Catholic. And the day after that will be All Souls Day, which is a time to remember the faithful departed. I am still learning how to be a Catholic. My church is having mass at 7:00 p.m. on All Saints Day and 6:00 p.m. on All Souls Day. All Saints Day is a Holy Day of Obligation, meaning I have a duty to go to mass.
In theory I should be able to make both services. The only obstacle is myself. Yesterday, I planned to go mass, but then I just couldn't get up. So now I am planning to go tomorrow evening and the evening after. I need to pray for the strength to go.
It's not mass in particular that's hard for me to attend. I have a great reluctance to go anywhere. This is why one of my verses of comfort is "he will not break a bruised reed or quench a smoldering wick." The prophet Isaiah says that (chapter 42, verse 3) about God's suffering servant, and the Gospel of Matthew repeats it (chapter 12, verse 20), applying it to our Lord. Indeed, there are many verses in the Bible about God's love and compassion for the weak. And I definitely fall into that category.
Even the great Apostle Paul said "I can will what is right, but I cannot do it" (Romans 7:18).
It's time for me to go to bed, but my puppy Rosamund is asleep on my foot, and that makes me not want to move. I'll browse the internet for a while.
