Very pretty

A couple of my Facebook friends have linked to this article, "How to Talk to Little Girls," by a woman named Lisa Bloom. Her premise is that you should not compliment them on their looks because that will teach "girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice," which "tells them that looks are more important than anything." Instead, she says, talk to them about what they're reading.

With all due respect to my friends who linked to it -- who are sincere, wonderful, good people -- I find that article annoying. Why?

Well, first and foremost, the author is a killjoy. I know a couple of little girls who love to be told that they have on a pretty dress or that their hair is pretty and that they look pretty. Why should I withhold that when I know it delights them?

Another thing is, why does it have to be either/or? You can compliment girls on their looks and encourage them to read. It's not like once you say, "What a pretty dress!" you're not allowed to mention books thereafter. What's wrong with being smart and beautiful? The women in my family do it all the time.

And, finally, the author is so smug and sanctimonious about her own conversation with one little girl. She withheld any remarks about how pretty she was but got involved in talking about and reading the little girl's favorite book, even though in her heart she disapproved of the little girl's choice ("Alas, it was about girls and what they wore"). The little girl, of course, was happy to have a grown-up paying attention to her and reading with her -- all to the good. But the poor naive little thing didn't realize this was not someone genuinely showing interest in her but a woman making a "statement" and preening herself on it:

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.

Get over yourself, lady.

I do agree with her in deploring the sexualization of children -- that it's wrong and sick for little girls to worry about their figures and for teenage girls to want cosmetic surgery -- and I don't have an answer as to how to eliminate that sickness from our society. I think parents can probably have some effect by monitoring and limiting their children's consumption of popular culture, and I suppose if enough parents did that, the culture would shift.

So I appreciate her concern, but I will still tell little girls (and big girls) that they are pretty whenever I feel like it.

Because they are pretty. So there.