Testing

Today I was tested for COVID. Not because I have any symptoms, but because on Monday I am scheduled for an outpatient procedure and the local hospital will only let you in for that if you have tested negative for COVID within the past 48-72 hours. Makes sense.

I was a little apprehensive about the testing. I’ve seen pictures of when they stick a long one-ended Q-tip through someone’s nasal passages way to the back of their sinuses. I tortured myself last night by googling “How unpleasant is it to get tested for COVID?” Results: It can be plenty  unpleasant, but there is a trend toward smaller swabs not being poked in quite so far. 

I’m thankful to say that I received the easier treatment. It was drive-through testing, although you had to have an appointment. One person came to my car and held up a sign saying, “Place your driver’s license against the window.” I did so, and she found my name on a list, checked it, and gave me a thumbs up. I was only one or two cars back in line. Each car drove under a canopy and two men in white coats, blue gloves, and plastic masks came out to the car window. They asked for my name and birth date, then one of them explained that he would twirl the swab around in each nostril for ten seconds. And he did. It wasn’t a lovely experience, but at least it didn’t hurt. Then he stuck the snotty swab into a tube and told me my doctor would have the results in 24–48 hours.

It goes without saying that on my way to the test I pulled into the wrong parking lot. There was a building labeled Northwest Pathology, whereas I should have been at Northwest Laboratory. The Pathology building was locked up (today is Saturday), and I was standing in front of the doors calling on my cell phone when a lady in pickup stopped, rolled down her window, and asked if I needed help. I told her I was scheduled for a COVID test and she told me the drive through testing was just over there—pointing across a parking lot and then a street and then another parking lot. Ah. I had been thinking it would be like a doctor’s office visit, checking in, giving them my insurance card, and all that. So I drove over and got in line.

When I was done and drove out of the testing spot, I was headed into a parking area for a lot of industrial buildings. I thought there should be an easy way out of there, but as I drove in further I only saw passages to other buildings, so I decided the safest bet was to do a U-turn and go out the way I came in. And that’s what I did. I wanted to avoid the kind of ludicrous driving around not knowing where I am that is all too common in my life. I have a gift for getting lost. It’s genetic. All my siblings are gifted in this way, too. 

My procedure on Monday is for kidney stones. It should be routine but there are always risks and all that jazz. If you are one who prays, say a prayer for me.