About a week and a half ago was the fourth anniversary of my dad’s death. A couple things were circling in my mind about this. One was how, after my father died, sometimes I would sit and close my eyes and remember what it felt like just to sit in the same room with him. I felt at peace with him. He knew me, he loved me, he was glad I was there. Unconditional love. I felt like I had to imagine he was there to get the feeling in my heart. I thought it was something he was giving off, but eventually I came to think it really came from inside me—it was the love I felt for him that filled me. Of course, my love for him was because of his love for me.
As time goes by, I do this imagining less often, and the feeling of what it was like to be with Dad is harder to remember. But I started to think that since it was love coming from me, going outward that was the feeling I sought, I did not necessarily need to imagine being specifically with Dad. Perhaps I could fill up with love for God and enjoy His presence.
I used to sometimes wonder why my dad liked me so much because I don’t seem all that likeable to myself. This feeling of unlikeableness (word?) was a barrier in my relationship to God, because why should He like me? If anyone knew all my flaws, it would be Him. My dad knew me well, including my flaws, and he liked me. I had to believe that because I saw it happen. I knew it for a certainty. So if I can sit with my eyes closed and feel what it’s like to be in the presence of my Father in Heaven, surely I can know that He likes (and loves) me and is glad to have me with Him. I can let that love well up in me for Him. Let [me] then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence. He. 4:16.
And the fruit of such love for God must be love for the people around me. The summary of God’s law is: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mt. 22:37-39. Love for God causes love for neighbors because, as the apostle John points out, God is love. I Jn. 4:16. Love is His command but also His consequence.
I’m so thankful to have an earthly father who has so well demonstrated the love of my Heavenly Father.
I hope what I’m writing doesn’t sound just like so much fake-pious jargon. My language is insufficient to the truth, although it also does suffice because God’s truth is simple enough to say simply—God is love—but so profound that our understanding of it can keep growing for a lifetime and never exhaust it.
May we be comfortable and at peace, loved and full of love in God's presence.
